two steps forward, one step back

B and Alex are both back in school now, which of course means that I have our little rainbow all to myself a lot. It really hasn't changed much of our dayly routine, as he only wants to be with mommy anyway. He still screams most of the time if B tries to take him, so with the exception of the dyper changes and, the fact that it's easier to clean up a mess after he throws up when there's 2 of us, I barely notice the difference.

Nah, that was unfair, I do miss both Alex and B, I've gotten use to having them around, but it's got it's advantages too.

Little Peeper's been sleeping a little bit in his cradle now, which is good, cause I'm trying to make this new program accessible, so I've been able to work a little bit. Never for long though, cause every time he sleeps anywhere but in my arms it's like he's gotta make up for it, so then he cries as soon as I even dare to so much as think of putting him down for a minute. But I'm sure I'll be done with the scripts some time this sentury..

I don't mean to complain. We have such wonderful times together especially now that he's becoming more interactive. We're having little conversations now,particularly when he's in the baby gym; He really likes that.

The music playing cat is his favorite.

Another thing he likes is when I sing the songs with hand motions and I'm making them with his little hands. Sometimes it's like he remembers them and is trying to help, but that may just be my own imagination.

His little tummy is still giving him a hard time, so he cries a lot at night still, but it seems like massage helps him a little bit at least, so that's something to be grateful for.

I don't know how B's gonna be able to deal with going to school on very little, broken up sleep, he's not in a good spot right now anyway. I guess being a parent wasn't what he thought it would be...

I do try to keep in mind how hard it would be for me if this little miracle didn't want me to hold him, but that's no excuse for giving up. There's never an excuse for that.

I realise that he's suffering from depression, but it doesn't make it easier to deal with him when he gets mad all the time for no reason. He's behaving a lot like when he's drinking. With other words like a cranky teenager and, 2 boys that's just now reaching puberty is a bit much. At least Alex is really 14, not just acting like it...