It was time for some blood work again today and, as usual after the chemo, everything is going down, down, down. The doctor was a bit concerned and, we're gonna have to go back in for another check-up on Monday, to make sure that they catch it in time in case little Peeper needs another blood transfusion.
His Hemaglobin was 93 today, which means that it can drop another 13 units before the blood transfusion is absolutely necessary, but we know that it'll keep going down during the next week. It always keeps falling for about 10 to 14 days after the treatment, so I'm glad they'll be keeping a close eye on him.
More over, if the weather only decides to be as nice as it was today, we won't mind walking back and forth to the hospital. Today was the first bit of fresh air that we have gotten since we got home from the last treatment, so being able to walk around out there without a coat on was definitely a more than welcome change to the cold and rainy weather we've been having thus far. Not too mention how good it felt to get out of the house for a couple of hours.
It was a bit chilly on the way over there this morning, but it was 10 degrees C out there when we were walking back home and, I would imagine probably 15 or so in the sun, though it may of course have been a little more or a little less. either way it was wonderfully warm and, spring is finally, finally on it's way.
I'm looking forward to taking lon walks in the sunshine again. It'll be great for all of us. Little peepr is going to be old enough to go to the playground here pretty soon as well... Now if only he could get to feel well enough for more than a couple of days at a time we'll spend as much time as possible outdoors.
The first few days after this last treatment were a bit ruff on him with a lot of nausea even in spite of the medecin. He has been a little feberish too. Not enough to go to the hospital, but right on the edge. He has just now gotten better and, he seems to be back to normal now. It's a little bit hard to tell though, since he's super cranky because yet another one of his upper teeth broke through yesterday and, there's another one on the way. That may explain the fever though and, I'm glad that it was teething and not complications from the chemo that caused it.
He's got 7 teeth now. He's growing up so fast and, He will turn 1 years old here before we know it. I just hope we don't have to be in the hospital when he does.
There was a little boy turning 2 the same day that we left the childhood cancer ward this last time. We didn't see him, but there was a sign saying "happy second birthday" up on the door to his room. It made me cry and, I have thought of him and his parents ever since. Children shouldn't have to celebrate their birthdays in the pediatric oncology ward. We left a couple balloons for him outside the door to his room. It wasn't much, but it was all we had and, we had a train to catch. I hope he was strong enough to play with them.
The ward was full this time. I've never seen so many children over there at once and, way too many of them are just little babies. It's a very difficult place to be. So many had to stay over the weekend too. Normaly that doesn't bode well. I know we stayed that first time cause they were going to begin the chemo therapy treatment, so there was no point in going home as we would have lost almost 2 whole days to traveling anyway. It's just that there are other explanations for stayint the weekend as well and, when the little ones are staying in their rooms instead of being out in the playing area it's usually one that hurts too much to think about.
Why is life so unfair!? Why can't all children at least get a good start in life. It seems like they should have a right to it.
I guess ultimately I shouldn't worry about celebrating his birthday in the hospital. At least his prognosis is such that we will get to celebrate many more with him. Not all parents are that lucky.
I've been very down lately. It should be the other way around with the good news we received last time, but could, would and should, never seem to be a reliable source for how things actually turn out.
Life itself is hard to deal with and, I'm so worried about my older brother too. But everything is making me kind of sad right now.
Especially that little peeper is growing up too fast and, Alex is too; he'll be going away to collige before we know it. I wish there was a way to slow the time down some times. But on the other hand I'd like it to speed up so that we can get done with the chemo and, hopefully start living again. I feel like our lives have been on hold ever since the first suspicion of cancer was raised.
I should really try to take my own advice and find joy in all the little things such as that little peepre is getting to be so talkative now, responding with a million different little sounds every time we're saying something to him. But I feel as if I do for the most part even though it definitely doesn't sound that way right now. There are plenty of reasons for happiness even in the difficult times we're going through. As always it comes from the children, but there is more: such as the fact that we actually are in love with each other still after all that has been going down.
Or the joy that was plain for anyone to see throughout B's whole being that day little Peeper decided to call his dad "baba."
As for other words, He already says:
"Mamma" for me, and, "hey" and, "no" in swedish. No english words yet though other than "Hey," wich sounds the same in both languages. He doesn't have a word for Alex yet either, but his whole little body is full of joy every time he sees him. Especially this past week, since Alex is getting home a lot later than usual.
Everybody in Alex's class has been trying out how it would be to have a job this past week and, the music store where he's working closes at 6, so as he's walking home, he's not here until 7 or so. Normally he's home somewhere between 3:30 and 4 o'clock and, little squeeker is definitely noticing the difference.
I hope this weekend brings more lovely weather, so that we can spend some more time outdoors in the sunshine. I'm sure that'll be good for little Peeper's blood count as well. He's neutrophils were at 0.9 today, so at least that's not alarming yet, but if his history is taken into account we can be pretty sure that his headed towards neutropenia anyway and, what ever little help he can get to boost his energy levels is more than welcome right now.
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